Turning mediocre dating matches into gold!

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

Preposterously frustrating is an understatement when it comes to describing my online dating experience. Apparently, this is a common feeling among online daters, especially people of the male persuasion.

The Response

Out of 100 initial messages sent, not unusual to only receive 5 responses. 1 or 2 of those might lead to texting or phone call. And only 20% of those would result in a date.

Now after all that hard work, we were still not guaranteed a good match. In fact, the majority of dates would turn into dead ends. Either the other person was totally doped up during the process of creating the online profile, hadn’t taken photographs for the last decade or so, or had the personality of a train wreck.

Despite the abysmal odds, occasionally I would encounter a diamond. Unfortunately, these still turned out to be dead ends. Either there was no mutual chemistry, or the chemistry was one-sided. More often than not, the girls would turn defensive and sever all ties. Can’t say I blame them, some guys just would not give up, and that gave rise to said responses.

Man thinking
Photo by Lee Weng on Unsplash

That got me thinking 🤔, was there be a better way?

The Abundance Mindset

To begin with, there are 3.8 billion females in the world. If only 0.0001% is a good match for me (taking into consideration all the important factors such as age, personality, common interest, preference, chemistry etc.), we are looking at more than 3,800.

There is this concept of 6 degrees of separation. It states that every human being on earth is connected to each other in no more than 6 steps.

What I had been doing all along was trying to find my match in the first degree, and my counterpart was doing the same. What if we make use of the power of social circles and reach beyond the first degree?

A Different Approach

💎 The solution is this, rather than severing the tie with a diamond, let’s become friends. The agreement is we no longer view each other as potential mates, thus removing the awkwardness of unwanted attention.

The fact that the girl went out with me in the first place implied I possessed some of the qualities she admired. Birds of a feather flock together. The chance is high that the guys I know possess qualities she admires, and vice versa.

We can subsequently set up double dates. I invite one of my guy friends, she invites one of her girl friends. This allows us to reach beyond the first into the second degree of separation.

Additional Benefits

  • The double date situation is less nerve-racking for all parties involved, especially true for inexperienced daters.
  • I would have told my guy friend about the attractive qualities of his date and vice versa. Starting on a stronger footing.
  • I can form the same friendship with my new date if we are not a good match. Thus reaching the third degree and beyond.
  • This is not limited to double dates, can be a group outing. Once again achieving the result of reaching beyond the first degree.
  • When I encounter an unusual, and usually unexplained, scenario with a girl, I can now seek advice from a girl in the friend zone instead of another guy, who often has absolutely no idea how females think. In fact, I recently helped out a female friend in that type of situation, which eased her concern about the action, or in this particular case inaction, of the guy she was going to meet.
  • Once my guy friends start forming their own social circles, they should start inviting me out on double dates.


Dating in the modern era has changed dramatically over the last 5 to 10 years, especially with the prevalence of online dating applications. Relationships are formed and discarded without a second thought to the negative effect on one’s psyche and behavior.

My sincere wish is for this concept to take hold, and we have a lot less reason to practice the dark art of ghosting. That should generate less resentment in the long run, and bring us closer to world peace 😉.

If you receive positive result after applying this technique, please share your story with me. Love to hear from you.